you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
