Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
