Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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