i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So many bounce houses so little time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
