im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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