had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
