we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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