What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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