We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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