her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
