My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
