Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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