she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she told me i tasted like america
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
