im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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