Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
