I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
