Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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