he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
