Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just found puke in my bra..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
