three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
