I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize