I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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