She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
