Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Duck Duck Cougar?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
