why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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