I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
