she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want her autograph on my taint
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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