wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
