I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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