SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
