Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize