please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
