At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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