We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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