I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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