just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
