If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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