Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
