worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
