great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
