apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
