i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
smell my finger.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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