dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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