Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
