dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
