I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
