That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You made out with two different species that night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
