guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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