I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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