so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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