You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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