All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
