these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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