everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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