I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
