My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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