dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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