Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
