I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize