just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
