He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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