does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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