So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
