I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me