Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i feel rough

(617): View more from Massachusetts

just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

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(617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz

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(513): View more from Ohio

Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.

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(513): Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times. http://tfl.nu/rlhm

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(410): View more from Maryland

We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I hope you meant gum...

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(410): We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day. (1-410): I hope you meant gum... http://tfl.nu/fcg7

Replies (35) Good night (4934) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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(714): View more from California

i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

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(714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs

Replies (14) Good night (6021) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
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(216): View more from Ohio

I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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(216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.

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(609): My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count. http://tfl.nu/d5s2

Replies (14) Good night (4962) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

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(267): i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget http://tfl.nu/82kf

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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any booze?

(214): View more from Texas

Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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(817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57

Replies (9) Good night (2163) Bad night (429)
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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2

Replies (5) Good night (2056) Bad night (529)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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(201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v

Replies (1) Good night (1077) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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(215): so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/j7g1

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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(201): Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend? http://tfl.nu/zwy0

Replies (9) Good night (2546) Bad night (469)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!

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(336): dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems! http://tfl.nu/qsei

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.

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(704): Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone. http://tfl.nu/kasl

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!

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(404): It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff! http://tfl.nu/0n5x

Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (238)

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