every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Help me help you realize you are a moron