Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".