I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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