You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful