I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
