Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
