i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
