a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
