Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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