And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
