Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
