someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
