There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
