My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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