you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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